I feel like I am currently waiting for life to be able to continue.
And things have only gotten that much weirder with the introduction of the Coronavirus disease (COVID-19)… not knowing if life as we know it is going to deteriorate dramatically before it returns to some sort of normal.
During my trip in December 2019 – from Washington, to North Carolina, to New York, to Florida, to Texas, and back home to Washington, I had decided that my next big move would take me to Colorado at some point in 2020.
On that same trip, I managed to make a tiny incisional hernia from my 2018 liver donation surgery into a much larger hernia when I came down with what might have been the flu and a nasty cough the weekend before Christmas.
When I returned home, I reached out to my transplant team in NYC to see what I needed to do and in the end, it was decided I would see a specialist closer to home in Seattle and have it repaired there.
I finally connected with that doctor’s office at the end of February and they couldn’t get me in until the 9th of April for a consult… I was pretty grumpy about this for about a week… that would mean that surgery likely wouldn’t be scheduled until closer to early summer and I still have no clue what I’m looking at as far as recovery goes.
So, I pouted for a few days and then I decided to take that time to focus on other things… obviously this was the Universe’s way of telling me I had some work to do before I made the move to Colorado.
(Now, with the introduction of the virus and the worst still to come, I wonder at what point I will actually be able to get the repair done…).
Instead of dwelling on frustration and discomfort, I’ve decided to focus my attention on the things that I do have control over.
1. My business – I have done online business strategy and website design since 2010 mostly working business to business. I’m currently working on changing that business model and providing support to new and growing businesses at Business by Design. My previous model and the clients I worked with in 2019 were a big part of the stress I experienced I was trying to recover from surgery.
2. My health – while I feel like I can’t really do too much physical activity without hurting myself or making the hernia worse, I decided it was time to try something new. I’m all about experimenting with what and how I eat, and try to focus on listening to my body rather than outside influences (which is so hard in this online world of advice telling us all kinds of things in order to sell us stuff). As of Monday, I’m experimenting with alternate day intermittent fasting (which basically means only eating every other day). I’ve done other types of intermittent fasting, but thought it would be “fun” to try this on for size. I’m committing to it until my appointment on April 9th (so at least four weeks) … today is Thursday… so far I have had two fasting days – Monday and Wednesday… I think I like it… or at the very least, I like the challenge… too soon to gauge how I actually feel.
3. My face – this sounds funny, I know, but bare with me. Ever since I moved to my little island off the coast of Washington, I started doing less and less. Less makeup, less upkeep. In my mind, splashing a little water and face wash on my face seemed like the right thing for a good little minimalist to do! And honestly, after being here for a while, the ways of “normal society” were kinda forgotten. And then a few weeks ago I looked in the mirror and looked decidedly rough. And, keep in mind, I haven’t worn makeup regularly in years, so it wasn’t like this was the first time I had seen my bare face in a while. I think it was having major surgery at the end of 2018 (which gave me gray hairs I didn’t have before!), a stressful 2019, and a super sad (my favorite furry friend of 13 years died in January) and stressful beginning to 2020 that finally hit me square in the face. In my previous, pre-island life, I was a bit of a product whore. I loved beauty products and makeup and spent quite a bit of time and money at the local Ulta. So, I’ve started doing research, talking to professionals, and figuring out the best products that will make me and my face feel good… and I’m looking forward to trying the new products that should be arriving next week!
I feel like these are all a form of self-love. By working in a way that makes me happier and enables me to be more stable financially, I have less stress and more fun (what’s not self-loving about that?!). And by focusing on my body and what I need to feel good in it, I’m giving myself permission to make myself feel good and pamper myself. I know if I take care of myself and feel good, then I can show up in the world a better version of me.
I also feel like this is the little reset I need before I embark on a new adventure – it’s time to prepare for the transition both mentally and physically and by having this period of waiting for the next step, I’m probably exactly where I need to be, getting exactly what I need.
So, instead of feeling like I’m stuck in between chapters (somewhere I have been many times before), I will treat this more like the epilogue to my current story and the prologue to my new one where I am actively waiting for my new story to begin.